First, it should be noted that anger is a normal emotion and can be healthy. Anger becomes a problem when it is felt to intensely or felt too frequently or results in harm to others or yourself or causes health issues like stress and other related issues. Health issues may involve mental health issues like anxiety or depression or exhibit in the form of physical health issues such as cardiovascular issues and gastric issues for example or poor health habits. All of this may become a vicious cycle of anger, stress and poor health habits.
Developing an understanding as to what is underneath your anger is critical to managing anger. Keeping an Anger Record is a method is to break down your episodes. After you list what was the circumstance or the event, first identify how intense your anger is by scaling it. On a scale of one to ten, with ten being the most intense, how intense is your anger? You may develop anger words for each level for example provoked, enraged, pissed off, for example.
Second, you identify your emotions and feelings other than anger. You may use a feelings list to develop a vocabulary for feelings outside of anger. Third, identify your thoughts you are thinking regarding the incident or circumstance that caused your anger.
Then, how did you handle the episode? Record what you did. There are a few strategies that help such as walking away, and taking a walk, or breathing and counting or going to the gym or exercising for example. Your may listen to music or distract with other activities or helping someone, looking outside of yourself.
Perhaps you yelled or handled it in a way you didn’t like, after reflecting, write this in your anger record. Keeping an anger record, you are able to assess and look back on your episodes. After you record these steps, finally grade yourself in how you think you handled the situation. Grade yourself either pass or fail or A through F. It is not about the grade but getting an assessment of your response. Later, you will be able to reflect on your grade and what you might have done better and what you did right.
Sometimes, it is looking back on your anger record, you are able to see what might be underneath your anger. It will help you uncover your triggers and what it means to you. Perhaps they may uncover past hurts, losses and adversities. Some triggers may be long waits on the phone or at a store, or feeling disrespected, or feeling insulted. However, as you process your anger episodes, you may uncover more than you know about yourself. Ultimately, learning that change must come from within yourself.
You may benefit from processing your anger, feelings and thoughts in your anger record with a psycho-therapist/counselor or in a group setting.
“Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”—Buddha
Parveen Vohra 